A man rammed an armored personnel carrier into a shop window before climbing through the rubble to steal a bottle of wine in a town in northern Russia on Wednesday morning, according to local media and video posted on social media. Yep, Russian guy steals tank for a bottle of red.
Witnesses visible in the footage did not seem particularly disturbed by the incident.
“Basically some guy stole an armored vehicle… and went into a shop to top up his stocks in the morning,” the social media user described, whilst filming the snow-covered scene out of his window.
Of course the witnesses weren’t disturbed. This is straight up normal behavior for Russia. It doesn’t get more normal in fact. People in Russia see crazy things every day. Just take a look at some of the dashcam videos out there and you’ll see. Wild.
When you live just south of the Arctic circle and see the daily high temp will be negative infinity degrees, you need the cozy warmth of alcohol to survive. It’s essential.
Only problem, there’s too much snow on the ground. Can’t drive. Can’t walk, there are Siberian tigers out there, plus your toes will freeze right off. So you make a mad dash for the military training facility next door. Maybe they left keys in one of the tanks you think.
Luckily they did, so you hop in and drive it through a forest and into town. Only crushed one Daewoo on the way. Not bad. That’s a game of chicken nobody’s winning against this guy. Zero tigers made it inside the tank. Also good.
Finally Boris makes it to the destination. (We’re assuming that’s his name. Has to be, right?) You guessed it – the library! Kidding, it was the liquor store. Celebrating this GTA style accomplishment calls for something special – no cheap clear booze, no, only a fine bottle of full bodied Crimean red wine will do. If he stole a bottle of vodka this would be the most Russian story ever. But it was wine. Just one bottle though because Boris is a reasonable fellow.